Do you want to live forever?
Holding his sword like he wants to crush the steel with his bare hands, a young(ish) Arnold Schwarzenegger carves a path of revenge across the rocky countryside, chasing the snake king who cost him his parents.
Backed by the soaring music of Basil Poledouris, Conan finds love (or at least sex), redemption, and a few people he can trust as he moves relentlessly towards a showdown with James Earl Jones.
The voice of Darth Vader is appropriately creepy as the big bad, giving some legendary stink-eye.
At least until Captain Pecs starts flexin’.