Cuento de Navidad

Is that an axe in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Putting a nicely-nasty spin on Christmas hijinks, this Spanish thriller pits a pack of less-than-angelic preteens against a female bank robber disguised as Santa Claus.

Having stumbled into a deep hole in the woods, the grimy, injured crook needs help, but her “benefactors” prove to be unruly little twerps more interested in snatching a share of her ill-gotten loot.

That sets up a cat-and-mouse battle, featuring the aforementioned axe, and a lot of pent-up anger.

Let the bodies (and the mistletoe) hit the forest floor.

The Bank Dick

The master of double-takes.

W.C. Fields built a successful career by blending verbal and physical comedy — a pompous blowhard who would then get his comeuppance to the audience’s delight.

Here, he’s hard-drinking family man Egbert Sousé, fond of stealing money from his young daughter’s piggy bank, replacing the cash with IOUs.

Stumbling into two separate jobs, one as a movie director and another as a bank detective, he still spends much of his time drinking down at the Black Pussy Cat Café, which gives him plenty of time to get up to shenanigans.

Would we have it any other way?

Good Time

Robert Pattinson is the real deal.

Freed from a life of flaunting sparkly abs in Twilight, he’s proven to be among the best actors of his generation.

A prime showcase for Pattinson, this homage to ’70s crime thrillers has him as a fierce, if dimwitted, guardian to his developmentally-disabled brother.

Running from the wreckage of a semi-successful robbery, the duo are split up, forcing big bro to scramble to find a way out for all involved.

Kinetic and jittery, like its main character, this is one Pacino and De Niro would have been happy to make back in the day.

The Lookout

Get the money, get the power.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is aces as a man struggling with the aftereffects of a vicious car crash, which leaves two dead and him dealing with amnesia and mental issues.

Doing time as an after-hours employee at a bank, he gets sucked into a dangerous world of robberies and betrayal when he hangs out with the wrong folks.

One of those new friends is the silky Isla Fisher, playing the kind of movie dame who can tickle your libido and leave you to bleed out, all without breaking a sweat.

Here be danger, dark and enticing.

The Silent Partner

You wouldn’t like Santa when he’s mad.

The Saint Nick in question is a bank robber wearing a costume, but, as played by the always-imposing Christopher Plummer, he’s a savage.

And he’s royally pissed.

Bank teller Elliott Gould, realizing a robbery is going down, stashes a chunk of money prior to the holdup, then strolls away with the loot himself.

That sets up a cat and mouse game between thieves — hardened professional and opportunistic first-timer — with a script by future L.A. Confidential director Curtis Hanson.

Someone’s getting coal for Christmas, but not the people who made this late ’70s gem.